Middle of the Journey

It's one of those times when the world stops spinning quickly for just a moment to let you know that it's time to take stock of what's going on. Therefore, it's a time for reflection.

The last five (almost six) months have been an exhilerating experience... the first two months were filled with wonder and intrigue – trying new things, meeting new people, meeting old people again. I wanted to spend every waking moment out of the house so I could enjoy the new flavours of Singapore even though it was always a little ad hoc. By the third month culture shock had set in. When the new-ness of everything wore off, I was left with my mind teaming with mixed thoughts, insecurities, feelings of “I don't fit in” and feelings of vulnerability – I felt similar feelings when I first moved to Wellington.

It's subtle and most people cannot see what you are going through, you don't want to go out and try new things any more, you doubt the things you tried were really that good at all because people tell you otherwise, you just want some routine, to stay with the people you're most familiar with. At this time, all I wanted to do was spend time with Antoine, stay at home and set a routine.

Now after the monsoon is almost over, my parents and aunts have left (actually I had a whole stream of visitors in December), I am gaining new perspective on Singapore again. The things that annoyed me the most during my culture shock don't bother me as much any more – the birds that cry like sirens, the hawker centers so noisy and unclean, the people who ignore you on the street when you ask for help, the ones who push in front of you to get on the MRT, the buses that shake you around and you never find a seat and the inconsistent English that makes me feel like speaking properly is a sin... the fact that my Mandarin is not getting better – partly because I am chicken to make mistakes, partly because I don't want to pick up the Sing' accent cos my Chinese speaking friends from China would tell me off...

Singapore is becoming more familiar. I could actually introduce my friends and family to Singapore culture when they came to visit me! But I also did tours of Singapore afterwards, learnt about it from the beginning - listening to how this city developed over the last 40 years was facinating. I was lucky that Ralph and Simon were here so we could share it together and discuss the nuances of Singapore. Although I already knew much of what the tour guide was saying, hearing it all put together with such passion and enthusiasm renewed my excitement for this city.

(Ok my Mandarin is still pretty bad but that's because I don't practice enough in my own time and I should just find some people to talk to who I feel comfortable talking to.)

Now I am starting to feel like I am on solid ground again, like I can make decisions for myself, feel secure being alone, being at home early instead of going out for dinner every night. I think it's time to think about my future and what it will hold after my time in Singapore is over.

When I last checked, I am still on track for my five year plan - phew. The next step is to keep gaining more experience working in organisations where I can understand the processes of working in a firm: the rules, the policies, the norms. Sometimes, it's just like AIESEC but at a faster pace because we're all full time and there isn't so much planning and strategising ;) - perhaps we did far too much of that in AIESEC =P should have done more work and measuring instead.

This post is way over 5 minutes but that's okay. It's mostly for me to record my thoughts down and read again after 5 years. Just looking back at my photos so far... I think I have managed to fit in as much as I could in 6 months. And I am really, really looking forward to the last 6 months.