Speak good Cantonese campaign

Apparently my Cantonese is getting worse. Something I already started noticing when I first moved to Wellington because I kept forgetting words; but I never thought the tone of my speech had also changed that much. I guess with 3 years living away from home and having no Cantonese speakers around you, one would experience that effect. People used to say my tones sounded fine even though I couldn't use high-level vocabulary. It helped that I had debates with mum and dad at the dinner table every night but I never had formal schooling unless you count kindergarten.

But this never became an identity issue until I moved away from my home. After that I realised that speaking Chinese is more than just a way to communicate to my parents and grandparents but also a way of showing that I am still Chinese.

Here, speaking multiple dialects is a badge of honour and is an important part of who you are. An identity crisis I am now facing: most people wonder if I speak any other language at all because I speak English with a Kiwi accent. In NZ speaking perfect Kiwi accented English helped you fit in, here, I feel it actually makes some people uncomfortable - i.e. my hairdresser who felt a lot better when I started speaking Cantonese with him!

Unfortunately, he is one of the few people whom I have entire conversations in Cantonese with now apart from my mum - she calls once every 2 weeks - and I only see my hairdresser once every 3 months! Does my Cantonese sound so bad that no one wants to talk to me in case they start to sound like me? Why do I even care? Is this another form of culture shock?

Maybe I'll feel more at home when I'm in Europe? I am so 'ang mo' (foreign) sometimes anyway. So many questions. I should just be comfortable in my own skin? I dislike ambiguity?

But I just wish I had someone to speak Cantonese with (more than 2-3 sentences a day that is). Where do I find this person? Will I find them in Europe? Is this self-discovery? Questions!